We wouldn’t feel right documenting this journey without the hard parts, including our fears and hesitations as we decide exactly what we want to do. So much of the content on social media related to full-time travel focuses on the fun, glamorous aspects, but leaves out the struggles. Everyone sees the #vanlife posts on Instagram and it all looks so perfect, but there are bumps for all of them. So many bumps. I mean, while I sit and idealize the travel life I have to remember that if we end up in an RV or travel trailer there is a POOP TANK that will have to be managed. It doesn’t get dirtier than that. So let’s talk about our fears and hesitations.
Family
As we start this journey, I am definitely the more hesitant of the two of us. There are a few reasons for my hesitation. First and foremost, I’m still a mom. My son is 18, and he is quite excited to be an “adult” and to head out on his own. However, when I mentioned the plan Thomas and I were throwing around, he asked when we’d leave. When I said possibly the summer of 2022, he said he thought I’d be around for him a little longer in case he needed to come home. That put a complete stop to my ideals for adventure. I have to be here for my baby. Heck, I returned to my parents’ house so many times over the years as life plans collapsed around me. The last time, I was 26 years old and had a husband and son. My family is my rock. They’re always there and always have been. I cannot fathom taking that comfort away from my own child.
Health
Secondly is my health. It’s a conundrum. Due to my crazy health issues over the years, starting with a Lupus diagnosis at 19, having the right doctors is imperative. So much so that we left our friends and family in Nashville to move 2,400 miles away. And yet, it’s that same health that gives us the conviction that now is the time to live because it is all I’ve got. We have no idea what the next round will hold, and with Lupus, there is always a next round. So, if we do what we’ve discussed, which is to sell everything, buy a travel trailer and explore North America, it scares me that I’ll be so far from the best healthcare I’ve ever found.
Home
And lastly, it’s the thought of selling everything. In this housing market, where our house has appreciated by $100k in 5 years, I’m terrified of selling our safe place only to have to pay double for a similar home when we come off the road. Initially, I thought we’d find our very favorite place in America and settle there, but having a home base for my son means more now than ever due to the insane nature of life in America in 2021. And I cannot discount the fact that his father, my ex-husband, moved out here with us when I was sick. He picked up, left all of his friends in Nashville along with a great job, and came to Camas. So we made him replant here and now we just…pick up and leave? It feels selfish and icky because he is a part of our family. The four of us celebrate every holiday together. Thomas stuffs his stocking every Christmas Eve. And since the ex doesn’t have any other family that he’s close with, we’re it. How can I bail on all of that?
That’s it. Those are my biggest concerns and all of them relate to feeling safe in an unsafe world. But stepping out of my comfort zone has always rewarded me greatly, and I know it can again when we pull the trigger on full-time travel.
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